He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I love you.
Bad choice
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
