Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
