Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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