Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
