Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
