And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
