i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
