Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
