You smell like a Billy Joel song
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
