That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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