were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
