She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
