why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
whose parrot is this?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
