She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
