Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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