I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
