oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
