That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
