I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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