I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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