Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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