i permit you to call me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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