I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
