Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
