Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
