Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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