I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
