Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
