I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
