I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
