i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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