There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
