I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
