"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
