oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
