when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
