we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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