mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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