I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
