Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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