You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
