So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
