Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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