True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
