Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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