who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
