Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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