Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
