dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
