I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
