it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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