I'm lost and stupid without you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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