my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You dont lie about slip and slides
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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